So, one year later we are making up for not being able to go big on our 10th anniversary. Mom and Dad (aka Nanny and Grampy) are taking all four kids while we head off to dinner....ALONE. Yes, ALONE! No kids. No infants. No breast feeding at the table. It's not that I did not love ALL of that and more, it's just David and I are about to enter an unknown season...one that does not include any more babies. Strange.
So, I organized getting the kids watched and other things (shhhhhh) and I asked David to pick the restaurant. After being married 11 years we both still love to surprise one another. We both purchased gifts for each other and the anticipation of that is helping build the night up. I can't write all the details yet, but I know we are going to have a wonderful evening!
After 10 years of being married you start to figure some things out - one thing being that you have NOT figured it all out! However, when I started thinking about all the things that we have learned I thought it would be great to get them down. I asked David to participate too. So we made our lists, separate from one another. Yes, my list is MUCH longer than his, but wow is he insightful, thoughtful, and hit the mark. He IS an amazing husband. A man who I am so grateful to share my life with. We would both admit that in 10 + 1 years of marriage it has not been all roses and sunshine, but there is no one else we would rather be on this journey with.
Here is my list, followed by David's. He has not seen my list, but because he is an amazing husband I know he will read this blog and I hope he enjoys it as much as I enjoyed his.
Things I’ve Learned After 11 Years of Marriage
Talk. Talk about everything. You need to stay connected in one another's lives.
Listen more than you talk. I suck at this, but I am working on it.
Take time to learn about something he/she is interested in. it does not mean you have to participate or even like it, but it feeds the relationship.
Fight. Yes, argue…even yell sometimes. It means you care. Plus, make-up sex rocks.
Send love notes. There really is no excuse in this data-driven age. Send a text, and email, tweet about your love. Anything that says, ‘I was thinking about you.’
Walk away from anything that is destructive to your marriage. Yes, that sometimes means people, but we put our marriage as first priority.
Let your spouse be sad, angry, frustrated….do not tell them how to feel or what they should be feeling. Give them space to work through their emotions.
Have sex. (Yes, a wife is writing this!) Have more than you think you should or “need”.
Make out on the couch during commercials!
Be a cheerleader for your spouse.
Let your spouse have time to be alone.
Hold hands (when they are not holding lots of little hands).
Stay up late talking in bed every-now-and-then.
Reminisce. Remember why you are together and how you fell in love. Celebrate your "story"
Say “Thank You.”
Do NOT compare; your spouse, your marriage, or your life together.
What I have learned about being a husband in the last 10+1 years of marriage:
1. I’m selfish; it is hard not to be.
2. Marriage is not the sum of two parts. You do not bring 50% and your spouse the other 50%. You must bring 100%, and be prepared to carry your spouse, when they can’t bring their full 100%.
3. You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself and how you think about others.
4. Perspective is everything; two people can see the exact same thing take place and have different recollections of the events that unfolded. Open your mind to how others see and experience things and don’t be stubborn and think that your perspective is always the right point of view.
5. Based on my observation, true happiness is experienced by loving others and being loved.
Here's to forever times three baby!